i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
