what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
