i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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