she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
