watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And then he peed in my hair
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