So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
40s are totally the cure
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
