I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
