Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
