She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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