Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
