Can Purell be used as lube?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
