I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize