Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Randomize
