You work out of a Hotel?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
