I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
