ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
