I am spending my child support on dildos
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
