I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
