I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
