I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do herpes really smell.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
