I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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