i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
