i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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