i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida