Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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