i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?