I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
