You're completely useless in the revolution.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.