It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.