I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
