Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
