how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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