my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
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Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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