you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
