If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
