Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
