so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
