but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
