apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
