Quick, to the slutcave!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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