I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
