batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
