Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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