Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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