My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
