i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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