I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
