he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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