I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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