i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
