Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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