I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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