You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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