I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
