youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
