all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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