just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can text with my tongue
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
