i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
