i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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