i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
