i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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