I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
