she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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