You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
