I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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