If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
