two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
