I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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