I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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