Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
