brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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