I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
