the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
