The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
