i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
