i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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