Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw

(281): View more from Texas

I love Texas.

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(832): Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw (281): I love Texas. http://tfl.nu/eppv

Replies (48) Good night (4046) Bad night (579)
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(303): View more from Colorado

This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free

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(303): This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free http://tfl.nu/nn6t

Replies (8) Good night (3027) Bad night (679)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(443): I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/l068

Replies (25) Good night (1569) Bad night (6828)
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(551): View more from New Jersey

the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit

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(551): the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit http://tfl.nu/ma7y

Replies (45) Good night (9137) Bad night (905)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.

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(732): Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend. http://tfl.nu/3lzx

Replies (20) Good night (1066) Bad night (4321)
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(561): View more from Florida

This is the prime rib incident all over again

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(561): This is the prime rib incident all over again http://tfl.nu/74hx

Replies (14) Good night (3271) Bad night (1184)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.

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(215): I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box. http://tfl.nu/99g0

Replies (14) Good night (4238) Bad night (1012)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

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(615): You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea. http://tfl.nu/dzpq

Replies (4) Good night (1204) Bad night (4097)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit

(216): View more from Ohio

There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.

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(216): I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit (216): There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash. http://tfl.nu/emo5

Replies (6) Good night (3352) Bad night (685)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.

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(604): The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her. http://tfl.nu/woml

Replies (7) Good night (1853) Bad night (684)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.

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(704): We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure. http://tfl.nu/1ib6

Replies (3) Good night (974) Bad night (367)
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(561): View more from Florida

Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...

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(561): Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city... http://tfl.nu/enzu

Replies (5) Good night (372) Bad night (614)
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(801): View more from Utah

You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous

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(801): You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous http://tfl.nu/k8ug

Replies (1) Good night (813) Bad night (554)
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(719): View more from Colorado

It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single

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(719): It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single http://tfl.nu/v0bh

Replies (3) Good night (554) Bad night (392)
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(416): View more from Toronto

He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.

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(416): He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came. http://tfl.nu/cj68

Replies (2) Good night (362) Bad night (648)

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