I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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