oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.