i jhust puked up my retainher.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
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I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess